Pen down a new MEMO

So I was contemplating how the best of my stuff - stuff as in terms of writing and work, always blurts out of me when it's like this: where I don't have to think too hard or worry too much about how to write it or who will read it. It always sounds the most convincing, the most authentic that I feel almost obliged to continue. It's like I'm sticking a large neon sign up on my forehead that flashes, 'look! no Bullshit here!' while I type because as much as I'd hate to admit it, there's freaking bull everywhere, even in my head, even when I type it down here and hope to god to convince some poor victim otherwise. I imagine it would have just as large a flashing sign, if not more monstrous than the one occupying my head-space reading, just as rambunctiously, 'No, she's fucking lying. There's bullshit everywhere. Watch your step.'

And it's true. Partially. The part that I say I'm lying bit. I don't know where it comes from but lies just slip out of my mouth like it had been impregnated into the damned orifice before I was born and is now just escaping after years and years of abuse. I honestly cannot help it sometimes, it's so strange and sometimes even sounds natural. I read somewhere shady that this flow of superfluous trash is due to my starsign, Gemini. Apparently because I am graced with a horoscope of the twins, I all of a sudden am magically embodied to be a pathological Bull-shit advisor and which is only one of my flamboyant and obnoxious attributes. Apparently, I also like to talk and be 'social' at parties, I'm intelligent, like my books and enjoy long nights drenched in chocolate behind a stereo system blooming the blues and a dozen exotic pets, excluding a toucan, because we all know toucans are overrated.

I've always wanted a toucan...

Actually. no. not really...

See? bullshit everywhere.


Watch your step.

ERROR: Apology DENIED

So I had QCS (sort of like university entrance exams) today and when I came home everything was all a blur. It wasn't even that significant. Then one thing led to another and somehow, I found you again, after a long daydream and inexplicable twists and turns of neglect.

Then all of a sudden, I just thought about books and how I've been meaning to finish reading some but never get to it. I have this massive pile on my bed next to by pillow featuring Nabokov and Schlink - I started reading Thomas Mann's Death in Venice and I'm slowly working my way through Anais Nin's erotica 'Delta of Venus' which is alright I guess.

I wonder what other people are reading. Are they enjoying it or is it out of duty. Are they even reading? I've always wanted to read something that was satisfying but I'm not too sure where I can find something like that. I need something I can cherish and adore - like an idol (*cough* kpop idol *ahdjkadklsajk*)

And then that leads me off a tangent to talking about what I actually - well not really, wanted to say before I was so rudely interrupted by my digression:

That split second before someone smiles - the gorgeous transition before a somber, sober face to the euphoria that is contained within their features, the crinkle of skin as a smile is let loose into the world. I just want to revel in it, to lie and watch it all day. I find it so attractively alluring that I completely melt into the folds of my flesh and buckle at the knees. It's like I suck in a desperate breath every time someone breaks into a cheeky grin. But I'd have to acknowledge it only works with some people. It's that moment that flashes by before they turn from indifferent to happy that I am utterly bound like a hopeless drunk. I contend myself to be quite the purest of hearts and I think this, along with holding hands is the best that humanity has to offer its lovers.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, I have some to show you:

Call me a fangirl - and I am, but these gifs are just gorgeous.

Waaaaaaahhhhhhh... kpop why do you do this to me...