Fukced up.

Yeah, so my family life is so messed up. I'm sorry for neglecting you in this way but today is the breaking point of all my agony and frustration and though I can't really 'let it all go', I can write it down... for therapeutic reasons obviously.

Well, on April the 12th, or 11th... maybe 9th- It was April, early April and the holidays had started to separate Term1 from Term2. My family, having emigrated to Australia from Taiwan, has this annual obligation to return to our home country to visit family and what not- Just in case the oldies die or so they say.

Obviously, the flights are always booked months in advance with money the family doesn't really have but because we're an Asian family, what the elders say: 'I want to fucking see my descendents so that I can fucking yell at them for not getting in Med School before I die!' - goes.

Anyway, because the flights are extremely expensive, my mother thought it'd be a good idea to take a detour to Tokyo because apparently, it costs the same amount even if we didn't go. So, being the cheapskates we are- we went to Tokyo for 6 days. The hotel- if you could even call it a hotel- actually, it was more of a cesspit fit for mice- which we paid rather expensively for, was extremely welcoming and the people- Oh you Tokyians are just so lovely, you. Makes me want to drop another freaking atomic bomb and form maybe a Peace Park in Ueno, so that all of you can learn about the superiority complex you have over other fellow Asians. Fakku you all.

I digress, Tokyo was not enjoyable and it was a complete waste of money. We then flew to Taipei, where the rest of my family was and evereything was fine and dandy until the last day. I love you God... I love you a lot, but why do you have to be such a bitch sometimes.

My aunty, who is only 45 and extremely healthy, suffered a stroke. My mother had to remain behind in Taiwan, while my brother and I flew back to Australia by ourselves. Everyone was so strong in that time and I admire my amazing aunty so so much. Her daughter is only 9 and she keeps such a strong face for everyone. My aunty had to have a brain operation and then a heart operation and as such, her left side suffered terrible compromise. Currently, she is receiving treatment in physio and rehab of her muscles to learn how to do the things we all take for granted.

At the airport while my brother and I arrived in Australia, my dad arrived late to pick us up. We didn't have any money on us and were worried we'd have to live in the airport like Hanks in The Terminal, seeing as it just had been broadcast on TV, a few days prior to our departure. My father stayed behind in Australia because he had to work for the dollars we were spending. I know he hates the job he currently has but he never complains. He works the afternoon shift, from 2pm to 10pm but doesn't actually get home till about 10.30 the earliest. My brother and I usually are in bed before then and so in the time that our mother was away, we could pass weeks without ever seeing dad. Which was good I guess, because everyone was so tired of life.

I had packet noodles for a week and sometimes didn't even bother with lunch.

Money continued to be a bitch and sometimes dad forgot to pay the bills because now that mum wasn't in Australia, she couldn't work and she was the one who paid the bills. We were lucky we still had running water. Our family suffers from the middle class discrimination all other families like us have to endure. We are the ones paying the taxes but always just above the mark to receive the benefits. So we work tirelessly, often in self-apathy and always in shame.

I tried to pray for my aunt as best as I could and sometimes I just gave up and couldn't be bothered. My brother didn't bother either. In that time, we weren't really on good terms. I feel that he's spoiled and never has any pressure to do anything right while I pile the weight of responsibility onto my shoulders like a masochist. He makes me out to be some kind of monster that tortures him and we argue all the time - not friendly banter the Brady Bunch suffices to, but swearing and screaming and the little old lady who lives next door has to listen to it all and I feel awkward talking to her the next day.

None of my friends know this. How can they help. Why would they even want to know. No one fucking cares.

Today, a few minutes ago, I broke down crying. It was after my mum drove dad to the airport to go back to Taiwan. Turns our his sister has breast cancer. He was talking about leaving us kids and going back to look after his family. I felt so betrayed. When he left, it was just my brother and I at home. I cried so hard until I couldn't breathe through my nose, until a scratching itch nestled itself into my throat and until even the teardrops took pity and left my eyes. I felt so empty. I cried cos they couldn't hear. I cried because my dad was leaving again. I hate it when he does that. Ever since I can remember, my dad's never been a part of my life, always in a different country looking after some strange affair, always absent. And to make up for the whole, my mother had to rip herself into two and patch up what was missing and in that, she had to compromise herself. She was too busy trying to make things better that she wasn't a part of my life either.

I don't want to make it sound like I'm complaining but I can't help it. I know I'm better off than the orphans in those developing countries, disabled and begging for food, but somehow, I just want to be selfish and worry about my life.

I just want to sleep and never wake up.

Two Drums and a Cymbal Fall off a Table~

Who here loves cashews...
.
..no?


Who even is here?

*silence*


Okay, -_-'
well, I love cashews. Dad and I went grocery shopping at amazing Aldi and I bought a packed of cashews - on of those packets that have the pressy seal thing where you can re-seal the packet after you've opened it. Amazzzing!

Anyway, so I pretty much spend my days with this packet and chew on cashews...


How was Valentine's Day? I'm sorry I neglected my non-existent readers but I was so indifferent to Valentines Day I forgot to post. Usually, that's one of the more important topics to write about but not for meee. I thought it was adorable that my parents went out for dinner at our local Italian cafe. *sigh* I wish they would do that more. I swear when I get a job, I'll save money just to spoil them. >.> A love house maybe...?

Onto another topic. I was typing up my answers for a compulsory survey for my school and the internet connection just stopped as I finished my whole rant so all my long, deep, answers to the 10 questions just disappeared. I was pissed. I'll do it when I feel less pissed.

So. Time for some nice pictures.

If you haven't noticed yet... I quite like B.A.P

What's your B!?

Stop trying. You will die alone, fat with 69 cats. Oh and maybe a segway...

I stumbled across the most amazing tumblr the other day. I googled 'Korean fashion' and the amazing gem popped up. It's http://korean-fashion.tumblr.com/

And also, try this when you're bored: Henry Matisse's drawing room. You make masterpieces of your own and it plays it back to you. From the Queensland? or Brisbane Gallery of Modern Art. Amaaaazing: http://interactive.qag.qld.gov.au/drawingroom/id/120209_4f3317ba180d0. It's a drawing my friend did - not that I wanted to show you or anything, it's just that i couldn't get the website on its own. Just click 'New Drawing' and you can do a magnus opum of your own.

Mr. Broccoli's Nonsensical Nail Polish

One day Mr. Broccoli went about cleaning his house. He spotted Mrs Broccoli's nail polish along the transparent sill and suddenly wondered why she would have such a thing when broccoli's don't have nails - or fingers for that matter. They have fronds... so he threw it out, into the bin, never to be seen again.


-


Hi Guise :|

^ *sigh* Lee GiKwang....

B2ST FIGHTING!

Take a Bubble Bath

Online shopping will the the topic of this post.

Because of my boredom, I've been window shopping wholesaledress.net or something like that and looking at all the nice clothes there. I've never bought anything online before because you hear all the stories about credit card scams and not getting what you paid for and that's what I;m worried about - also the fact that if its actually a great process, I;m likely to get hooked and buy random shit all over the internet.

I was looking also at k-pop CDs that I can't get in AUS. What a shame. And all the posters and merchandise what-not, that I'm missing out on. TT^TT.

I dunno what the deal is with other people, but the scales are always tipped for me when making a decision that in actual fact, isn't all that difficult anyway.

-sigh-

Now for something more or less light hearted.

ヾ(*・ω・)ノ゜+.゜★ィェィ☆゜+.゜ヾ(・ω・*)ノ

Movies on my to-watch list:
-Megamind
-The art of getting by
-Tangled
-Charlie Bartlett
-Submarine
-Restless
-Dear John

The items of my -window-shopping-spree:





 

I think our relationship is finally at that point where you should learn about my existence.

sdklasjdlasjdlajdjksaldjlasdjslada


Challenge of the day: of the time you read this...?
= I challenge you to listen to Imogen Heap and be blown away. And don't forget Olivia Lufkin. They're both my favourites and so underrated. Love them~ Love them lots and lots.

This is a collab by Olivia and her younger sister Caroline. It took my breath away.

And this AMV - anime music video - is to Imogen's song: The walk. Listen to the lyrics very carefully.

But I really suggest you check her out live, in one of her radio shows or something. There's one really good one were she's on a show with Zach Braff, she makes all her own melodies on the spot. Just amazing.

Whimsical

So, I wanted to do another post for the ones I've been lacking. I know I started a blog and I promised I'd keep up the effort... but so far, I've shot that elephant in the head.

I forget to post things when I say I will and though I know, not many people read it anyway, I just want the satisfaction of achievement and accomplishing something I set out to do.

And ever since I started posting deep stuff, I don't know how to break it to you, but I'm actually quite an optimistic, whimsical person. I do have weird interests - k-pop, being just one of them. I hope to show you more of that after April because that's when I'll be going overseas, and you know how people get with photos and blogging in travel.

I'll post deep stuff, random stuff and things that I assure you are not posted for the sole purpose of wasting your time. I know when I'm on the internet, I get so bored and I just wander aimlessly, checking facebook, googling strange things and going on those funny websites that are just that... funny, but they're so superficial and get lame after a while.

I also want to type up stories and poems. I just want to get it out, not so much for people to read. I want this to be a blog you visit when you're bored. When you have nothing else to do and just want something to look at, or think about. I just want to be there for that. Even if I'm doing this for strangers, or even no-one at all.

Things I like so you know what'll be instore:

• kpop = B2ST, SHINee, SNSD, SuJu, KARA, 2NE1, CNBlue, MBLAQ
• anime and manga = too many to list
• Asian fashion
• abstract concepts
• a nice cup of tea along with a nice cafe feel
• nail art which I cannot possibly imitate because my horrible hand-eye coordination
• cute things
• I'll get back to you when I can think of more.

I might post lots of entries on one day and none on another. Its just when I can't be bothered, I really cbf-ed, but when I do put the effort to do something, I go all out. So prepare for these short bursts of spontaniety.

LOVE,

Yu.